Since the first edition of Ignorance Is No Defense, a Teenager's Guide to Georgia Law was released in 2007, I have had the opportunity to meet not only with hundreds of teenagers, but also their parents regarding the best ways for young people to avoid getting into trouble with the law. Many parents shared with me their own parenting decisions on how to deal with many of the subjects covered in the book. I have compiled their suggestions and recommendations which may be helpful to you as the parent of a teenager.
DRIVING
Personally, I do not believe teenagers should be allowed to drive a car without an adult present until the teenager turns seventeen. Although the law may not change, you as a parent control when your child gets a license. Requiring an additional year of driving under adult supervision might just save a life.
Some parents require their teenager to sign a contract with the parent that specifically details the duties and responsibilities of being allowed to drive a vehicle. It also includes the penalties for any violation of the contract. Download a sample driving contract.
No matter how much pressure your teenager driver puts on you, never permit a teenage driver to transport more passengers than allowed by law or to drive after curfew. Knowingly permitting a teenager to violate the law may increase the parent's civil liability should an accident occur.
Also, many teenagers have been caught speeding or have been involved in accidents while rushing home before the midnight curfew. Make sure that 1) the teenager allows enough time to arrive home by curfew and 2) your teenager knows that a curfew violation, although not good, is far better than a speeding ticket or an accident.
CELL PHONES/COMPUTERS/TABLETS
There is no magical age when a child should get his/her first cellphone, but initially there should be parental controls and restrictions. First, make sure you always have the password to any electronic device and that your child knows you can, and will, make impromptu inspections, at least until your child is sixteen.
Have discussions with your child before allowing cell phone use regarding phone etiquette, texting, sexting, bullying, and inappropriate photographs on the device.
Require that the GPS on the phone always be activated. Explain to your child it is for his or her safety. Your child deactivating the GPS should be grounds for surrender of the phone.
Be aware of phone apps that allow the user to secretly hide text messages and photographs behind an innocuous looking app such as a calculator (swipe the app to see if anything is hidden).
Until your child is in high school, he or she should be allowed to use only the family computer that is often within eyesight of an adult. Make sure you know what your child is doing on the computer.
OVERNIGHTS
Always call the inviting child's parents to make certain that an adult, not an older sibling, will be home the entire time your child is a guest in their home.
A parent suggested to me she did not let her sons stay overnight at another teenager's home until her boys were eighteen. Curfew was at midnight. Her rationale was that home was the safest haven and nothing good happens after midnight. (Remember, a teenager cannot drive after midnight until their eighteenth birthday.) This rule did not apply to out-of-town trips with friends and their parents. Makes sense to me.
SPRING BREAK
Only allow your child to travel with parents you know and trust. There should be a meeting of all the parents and teenagers at the same time to discuss the rules and assign responsibilities: no alcohol, curfew, assignment of chores such as clean-up, washing dishes or helping with the meals. It should be made clear that any teenager caught consuming alcohol or using drugs will be required to have a parent immediately come to the spring break location to get their child and transport that teenager home. If teenagers are driving a car, make certain everyone travels in a caravan, preferably during daylight hours.
DATING
This is a tough one. However, since any contact with the intimate body parts of another person can be child molestation if the person touched is under the age of sixteen, sixteen seems to be an appropriate age to start dating for males and females.
PARTIES SOMEWHERE ELSE
Always, always make certain there will be a parent at the home at all times to supervise the party. Offer to take food or drink to help defray the expense. This way you can make a quick last minute check of the surroundings. One parent told me she always offered the inviting parent her assistance to help supervise the party. She said her suspicions were raised if the inviting parent refused her offer.
PARTIES IN YOUR HOME
First, check your sanity. Did you really let your teenage child talk you into hosting a party for teenagers? Review the invitation list with your child and limit the number of invitees. Try to get names, email addresses, and phone numbers of as many parents as possible.
Solicit the help from other parents to supervise the party.
Make sure your child knows, and that your child has conveyed the message to the guests, that no alcohol will be allowed at the party and that no person with alcohol on their breath will be allowed in the home. (The promise of an alco sensor test if you suspect alcohol may help.) Take car keys from the teenagers as they arrive, and do not return the keys until they are ready to drive home. Make sure everyone knows that if you find out that a guest has consumed alcohol, the teenager will not be allowed to leave your home until the child's parent has retrieved the child.
Never, never serve alcohol or allow the consumption of alcohol in your home by minors. There can be severe criminal and civil penalties for allowing underage drinking in your home. Your job is to be a good parent, not a cool parent.
Do not allow water bottles and other beverage containers to be brought into the home. Also, there is no reason for teenagers to bring backpacks to a party.
Know that alco sensors can be deactivated. One parent told me her daughters figured out how to deactivate the device. Maybe they became electrical engineers.
Have an end time to the fun and games and keep to it.
ALCOHOL, YOU AND YOUR YOUNG ADULT
Georgia law allows parents to provide alcohol to their own child, and many parents use this opportunity to teach their child how to properly consume alcohol in moderation. Georgia law does not give an age, but I recommend not serving alcohol to a child under eighteen.
The law states that you can only serve your own child in the privacy of your own home. You cannot serve anyone else's child in your home, even if the other child's parents are in your home at the time and they serve their child alcohol in their home.
Never allow your child to leave your home after consuming alcohol.
Remember, children learn from example and their best example should be their parents. If you teach your child how to consume alcohol in moderation, you as well should moderate.
MARIJUANA/DRUGS
The drug of choice of many of today's teenagers is marijuana, even over alcohol. We do not have enough time or space to address all the issues surrounding marijuana. Just know that just because you find out your child has smoked weed, does not mean your child is going to be a drug addict. The best approach is to let your child know all the ramifications of getting busted with pot: possible loss of license, expulsion from school if found at school or at a school function, court and monthly probation, and a criminal record. Do not argue with your child about the health consequences of alcohol v. pot, you will lose.
My great concern for the younger generation is the number of kids we have on prescription drugs such as Ritalin and Adderall. Studies have shown we prescribe more of these drugs to our kids than any other industrialized nation. I am not a doctor, but I do see the consequences of some of these young people becoming addicted to these drugs. If your child fails an algebra exam, it doesn't mean he has attention deficit disorder. Maybe he is on his way to becoming a lawyer instead of an engineer.
The same advice I give to the kids, I give to you, "Be careful, be safe, but be happy."
